“I got your Paper Planes right HERE“
Unless you have spent the past year and a half in a coma, you’ve heard “Paper Planes” by M.I.A. It’s that song that you heard, thought was pretty awesome, and then stopped listening for about a few months before the Pineapple Express trailer came out, and suddenly everyone and their father started listening to it all the time. It’s just a matter of time before ice cream trucks decide to change their song from “Yankee Doodle” to the gunshot chorus of “Paper Planes”. Which actually would probably lead to a significant drop off in ice cream sales, come to think of it.
“All I wanna do is…”
But, despite the song’s massive overexposure to all facets of our life, the song was still at least good enough for us to enjoy it. Since the song legitimately does kick ass. Until every artist who wants to rake in on the song’s success decided to do their own covers, remixes, and odes to the song. And just like when the kid with anger issues in third grade took home the class’s favorite pet hamster for the weekend, they went and ruined it for everybody.
Here are the five artists who have ruined “Paper Planes”.
5. Third Eye Blind
Heyyyyy, I remember these guys. Weren’t they that band in the 90’s that was kinda big? You know, the guys who can’t pronounce the letter R?
But…How could they possibly have anything to do with M.I.A.? That’s just silly, I don’t think they’re making music anymore. I’m pretty sure three of them died of a heroin overdose on a crashing airplane while being stalked by a murderous emotionally unbalanced fan. I’m pretty sure…
That’s right, ladies and gentleman. Above we have the new release by Third Eye Blind, which Stereogum cheerfully called one of the worst songs of 2008. And they’re right. Go ahead, listen to it. No, go ahead. It’s amazing in it’s shittiness. In trying to be socially and politically relevant, they sound like that uncle of yours who says “That’s hot” to random things, and then asks you what you think of that young Paris Hilton lady.
“Isn’t that what the kids say nowadays?”
The song “rocks out” chants about Young Gay Republicans (how topical!) and a section for “Mission accomplished” (GET IT!? GET IT!? GEORGE BUSH ROARRRRR!) and, of course, they get to open about how KFC isn’t really chicken (how…PETA of them?).
Now, you might be thinking, “Dear lord, Jeff, you’re a terrible bastard. You are making me listen to this god awful song, and it’s not even covering M.I.A. I am going to find out where you live, and will befoul your kitchen sink. Well, sink if you’re lucky.”
Okay, easy there. Sorry to break this to you, but, you’re going to hate me even more, because to hear the M.I.A. part, you have to wait to the very end of the song, which turns into comically out of place violins as they quote M.I.A. by saying softly, “Some Some, Some I, Some I Murder.” Because you know. They’re still socially relevant. Completely so. ‘Cause…the kids nowadays, they…they listen to that M.I.A. fella, right?
“I’m pretty sure I saw her in a car commercial once!”
4. La Fonda
Now, I’m sure lots of you, when you first heard “Paper Planes” you thought to yourself, “Wow, I really like this song, I just think M.I.A. is too gritty for my tastes. You know what would really make this song so much better? Get rid of the legitimately well crafted lyrics, and change them to be about clubbing. Oh! And let’s make it really bad overly-produced R&B bullshit while we’re at it! That’ll be awesomer!” And by lots of you, I mean, La Fonda. Only La Fonda in her successful quest to destroy M.I.A. Not you guys though, my trusty readers. You all know that “awesomer” isn’t a real word.
“No, I totally agree with you, awesomer is not a real word. Suck it, La Fonda.”
To be honest, I can’t find much about the artist. Maybe it’s because, well, she’s responsible for shit like her Paper Planes Remix.
You see..if all she wants to do is blast off in game… maybe she’d have an easier time, if she wasn’t, you know…sucking…
DeLon, who has previously been blessed enough to be mentioned in the hallowed halls that are Elitish, is a Sri-Lankan rapper who seems to have a bit of a grudge with M.I.A., since her father was a prominent rebel for the Tamil Tigers- a group responsible for some not so nice things. Also, if his official page is any indication, I’m pretty sure he thinks he’s Jesus.
“I can see the light! No, wait, that’s just my massive ego”
So when DeLon decided to write a diss track about M.I.A., he decided to do it in a way where he could best milk it for all it’s worth- by re-rapping (badly) over “Paper Planes.” (warning, contains violent images)
To be fair to DeLon, he was purposely trying to make people dislike M.I.A. So, he kind of got what he wanted- he just managed to make “Paper Planes” sound really shitty.
2. Every Band Doing a Live Set. Every. Single. One.
“And for our next song…”
Once M.I.A. found such mainstream popularity, it was just a matter of time before various hip hop moguls and Indie band alike decided that it’d be fun and quirky to just do their own versions of “Paper Planes” for their concerts. Now, at first, even the best of us found this to be some degree of humorous and awesome. But at some point, it’s gotten ridiculous.
Individually, they’re (generally) pretty decent and fun to watch. But as more and more bands decide that it’ll be “fun” to cover “Paper Planes”, the song gets increasingly overexposed, and we increasingly stop listening to the damn song. But what really ruins M.I.A. is…
1. Any Douche With An Instrument On Youtube
Do yourself a favor. Go to youtube.com and search for “Paper Planes Cover”. The top video is three quasi frat boys doing a kinda atonal cover of the track, which somehow got 1 million hits. I’m honestly not sure how that happened, since all you have to do is go to most college parties to find douchebags playing guitars and singing for attention. Personally, in order to keep my faith in humanity, I’d like to think that there was just one person out there who really really liked it, and kept watching it over and over. Ideally, it wouldn’t even be a human being. It’d be like, a fictional animal or something. Let’s say it’s the Geico Gecko.
“I fly like paper, get high like planes too!”
There’s also a ukulele cover, some douchey looking kid in sunglasses and a sideways hat, a guitalele cover, AND a drum cover. Honestly, if that’s not enough to ruin the song for you, let’s just take a look at the Geico Gecko’s favorite youtube video.
Sigh. We’ll miss you, M.I.A.