Top 5 Reasons Why You Haven’t Heard Much From Us Lately

We’ve all been pretty much M.I.A. here at Elitish for the past 3 months or so.  And I know, it’s been tough for you guys.  Lying awake at night, mumbling, “Why no elitish?  I love Elitish.  Where did it go?”

Well, we’re sorry.  But, we’ve had some good reasons.  And if those aren’t enough, here’s a picture of Steve Urkel shrugging.

steve210_368532w

Where are his ankles?  WHERE THE FUCK ARE HIS ANKLES!?!?!?!!?!

5. We’re Just, Like, Suuuper Busy Right Now

Hey listen, people of the internet, I know I said I’d call you in a week, but, you know, like, things at work just got crazy, you know?  And, uh, yeah, I had some friends in town, so like, no no, I mean, I know we had a good time together, and I totally was going to call you, but you know how these things can be.

No seriously.  There’s been like, makeshift music videos of songs by The Faint using clips from Science Fiction shows and everything.

But, uh, yeah, I mean, maybe we could grab a drink or something later on or something.  You know, if you were up for that, internet-being-used-as-a-joke-metaphor-for-some-girl-I-hooked-up-with-at-a-bar.

himym_bracket

I also have been drinking with Neil Patrick Harris, so could you blame me for being absent?

4.  We’ve Run Short On Ideas…And Writers

A dirty little secret behind elitish.  While, undoubtedly, all of our articles are shining beacons of awesome, that quality-over-quantity mindset means that, when a handful of our writers are busy doing other projects, or just drinking on weekdays while sobbing and writing threatening emails to the government (my absence in the month of March may or may not have been the unfortunate consequence of me accidentally pressing send…), it means that you, the consumer, find yourself without sharply written articles about music.  Sorry.

jack-bauer-gun-kneecap

Yes, Jack Bauer is real.  And yes, I don’t want to talk about it…

3.  It’s Oh So Much Easier to Tumble and Twitter And Do Other Things That Start With The Letter “T” That The Kids Love Doing Nowadays.

Do you know how long it takes to draft and form a full length, humorous, relevant list about music?  Well, neither do I, but it takes a long time to half ass it.  You gotta find a topic, write about it, formulate a list, and painstakingly search for the appropriate picture that best punctuates your article.

ridiculous

…And sometimes you just google image search “Ridiculous” and post the first image you find…

Meanwhile, all we have to do to post something enjoyable on Tumblr is put a video up with a little caption a few times a week, and we’ll still feel productive.  And as for Twitter, shit, I could just say “Fuck you applesauce, you’re too sticky,” and even though that has nothing to do with anything, it’s still more relevant than half of the shit that goes up on there.  With those outlets at your service, it’s harder to get the motivation to write about the 8 most successful mentally retarded musicians.

davematthews

Oh, go ahead, just TRY to disagree with this one

2.  Four words:  Covert.  Government.  Mission.  Spain.

I’ve said too much.

1.  We’re Hoping To Revamp The Site And Do A Sort Of Relaunch (We Just Need Money)

Teh interwebs are serious business, and to really put your best foot forward, you actually have to pay for templates and junk.  I don’t know, I’m not really in charge of that shit, but I know enough to pretend like I know what I’m talking about.  Unfortunately, this site is not run by Mr. Moneybags, so we can’t just build Elitish to a monster of internet awesomeness quite yet.

mrmoneybags

Surprisingly, the Monopoly website is kind of a piece of shit

So bear with us, loyal readers.  I know it’s been a while, but at the very least, I’ll try to do my best not to neglect you so much.  I mean, I probably still well, but I’ll at least try not to.  See?  Better now?  Do you want more pictures of magically missing body parts?

the-invisible-man

OH GOD WHY WOULD HE NEED SUNGLASSES!?  HE’S INSIDE GODDAMN IT!!!

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About Jeff GoodSmith

I write on occasion. Sometimes it ends up here.
This entry was posted in Jaded Hipster, Meet Sarcastic List and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Top 5 Reasons Why You Haven’t Heard Much From Us Lately

  1. Ken says:

    Welcome back. All is forgiven.

  2. I dont know if your on to something here

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